The Sartorial Sleuth - Seersuckers and Sazeracs

Shir o Shekar, the Persian phrase for milk and sugar – say it fast enough, soften up those r’s, throw in a slight drawl, and it starts to phonetically blend into one sweet sounding word, seersucker. Yes seersucker, that ubiquitous southern suit material that makes fat men look slim and tall men look gigantic. Pale blue and white stripes alternate in a soldiered pattern, due north-south, into the classic Deep South attire.

Why, you ask, do southern men insist on wearing this vestige of poverty? Well…it’s a matter of practicality. When the thermometer strains near its upper extent and the hygrometer drips condensate, unable to measure above 100, even the gentlest wool blend will send the heartiest man tilting for conditioned air.  

I worked an assignment in New Orleans years ago, last of July first of August, camped out in the Quarter. The job demanded two weeks of research and interviews in the hottest, most humid city in the country. Now, I love New Orleans, but I did not at the time fully understand the pain that the Crescent City can inflict on a man in a suit in the sweltering, never-ending, afternoons of late summer.

I strolled into a lawyer's office soaked to the bone, embarrassed, and about to pass out. The young receptionist looked up from her Robicheaux novel and eyed me with pity. “Aww sweetie,” she said, “you got on the wrong suit.”

Nobody told me. I was young. Standing there in a puddle of sweat, I sheepishly peeled my dark brown suit coat off to reveal a formerly pale blue shirt, now dark blue, nearly the color of rivers you don’t find in Louisiana.

She offered me—at three o’clock in the afternoon—a mint julep, or an ice-tea. I took both, along with a white terrycloth towel to mop my head and neck. I gulped the tea, gulped the julep, asked for more tea, and downed another julep. It was there in the artificial chill of the one glass tower in New Orleans that I received my first lesson in the sartorial anomalies of the Deep South.

“Don’t wear that suit again.” she said. “Go out this afternoon and pick you up a poplin or a seersucker,” she said. “Do it. Don’t worry bout the sweat, that’s just gonna happen.”

The attorney I was to meet swaggered his way down the hall towards the reception area, mint julep, large mint julep, in hand. He wore the most astonishing assuredness. His white shirt, still damp up the front, across the chest, under the arms, looked somehow crisp. His soft yellow tie was loosed just a bit. But his seersucker pants, that’s what caught my attention, blue and white stripes terminating both top and bottom into mid-tan leather. Fantastic, I thought. Fantastic.

It’s summer in Tennessee again. Cicadas, after thirteen quiet years, have emerged to sing their undulating song. The hygrometer shimmers in a turgid, almost angry way. Clouds boil up, threaten, and then dissipate. The air is, as my grandmother used to say, thick.

I’ve packed my wool for the winter, never wanting to hear that phrase, “you got on the wrong suit,” again. My poplin odd jacket is the go to for the next several months. I’m still looking for that perfect seersucker suit, though.

My plan is to find one by next Wednesday, the first of June. That’s right, the first Wednesday of the month, Patterson House time.  We’ll be sitting on the back porch, cocktails in hand, poplin or seersucker all around. Bow ties are still encouraged, but this month the theme is Seersuckers and Sazeracs. Join us if you can.

What Private Investigators Can Learn From Savile Row

‘Bespoke’ is actually a term from the 17th Century, when tailors held the full lengths of cloth on the premises. When a customer chose a length of material, it was said to have “been spoken for." … More than 20 measurements and figuration details are taken from the customer. Then a personal pattern will be hand-drafted and cut from scratch—not the basic, adjusted template pattern, as used by so many other tailors these days. Using your pattern, the cloth is then cut and trimmed, along with the finest linings and silks available. A single tailor is then given the parts of the garment to sew together, from the earliest fitting stages, to the final, complete suit. Each suit is completely hand-made, even down to the button holes.

                        - Thomas Mahon, Savile Row Tailor

Off-The-Rack and Made-To-Measure Investigations

There are several companies that provide off-the-shelf options for investigations. These larger “investigative agencies” offer pre-selected criteria, a pre-existing template, on which to base their investigations. These are usually database searches and they are usually based on outdated public records. A few of the larger agencies offer similar made-to-measure options where they offer a pre-priced set of services including limited surveillance, background checks, and minimal actual investigative work.

The problem is, these larger firms offer simple variations on the theme of off-the-shelf and made-to-measure services. These firms have size and resources, but they lack fundamental skills. Engaging these firms for investigations is like buying a suit from Men’s Warehouse. They may look impressive. But will their work hold up? These “investigations” are inexpensive and, like a cheap suit, they fall apart under stress and scrutiny.

Bespoke Investigations

The true professional investigative firm operates more along the lines of a bespoke tailor, a boutique style business that demands hard work and long hours. The cost is typically much higher, but the quality is assuredly superior.

It’s fairly clear to me what we, as investigators, can learn from Savile Row. The process of crafting a bespoke suit is not at all different from fashioning a scope of work for an investigation. Each situation, like each person, is different.

A bespoke tailor will visit with his client, get a sense of the person’s style and attitude. They will measure and craft. They will select tools and cloth specifically for the client. They will, in a sense, create a scope of work.

A professional investigator will do much the same. They will meet with the client, interview him and make notes, get to know the situation as much as possible. They will measure the options to craft a complete scope of work. They will select tools and methods specifically for the client. They will, in a sense, hand-craft a pattern for the investigation.

[FIND] Investigations’ Approach

We are a boutique agency. We spend time with our clients, hand craft a strategy, and assign one professional investigator to oversee each case. We pool our resources, our contacts, our combined expertise to create a scope of work that applies specifically to each client’s case. Each case is hand made, right down to the button holes.

Fall of the House of Howrey

Here's an idea...Outsource...
I shared brunch with a lawyer friend this morning. She knows I am a private investigator, a professional investigator with recognized credentials. She knows I have a quarter century of experience in real estate transactional due diligence. It never occurred to her, however, until our brunch conversation, that she could leverage my expertise.

This week's The Economist has a two-page story about the legal industry in America. They use Howrey (one of the world’s top 100 law firms)  as an example of sea-change facing the profession. Aside from bankruptcy, securities litigation, and regulation issues, the world of 700 member law firms has been hit hard. Gone are the lucrative mergers and acquisitions (M&A), and it seems that clients are seeking, even demanding, alternatives to the ubiquitous billable hour.

Here in the States alone the legal profession shed nearly 10,000 lawyers in 2009 and 2010. That’s pushing 8% of the total professionals practicing in the 250 firms surveyed. Recent graduates of prestigious law schools are working for scraps. It seems that clients are no longer content to have an associate work their case at a partner’s billable rate.

One point The Economist makes: clients are demanding “…that their lawyers pass certain routine work to cheaper contractors.” While this is potentially bad for some lawyers, it's likely fantastic for highly qualified third parties (i.e., Certified Fraud Examiners, professional investigators, and industry specific experts) and software providers.

Back in the day a firm could pay a salaried associate to paw through files in search of evidence. Now e-discovery software has virtually eliminated that need.

Expert Opinions - It used to be that an associate could read up on a topic and brief the partner, each being paid handsomely for the private course of study. Now, more often than not, it makes more since to bring in a qualified expert in certain fields, pay them a flat fee or lower hourly rate, and likely be better informed in the long run.

The Economist points out that law firms can guarantee themselves work by becoming “…experts in other industries, not just areas of legal practice.” An alternative to this, The Economist points out, would be outsourcing the expertise.

That’s where we come in. That’s where my friend made the connection. She can leverage my expertise, my firm’s collective experience, and craft herself into a linchpin for her firm. When you’re faced with the necessity to acquire industry-specific knowledge, give some thought to outsourcing that need.

Routine/Repetitive Tasks – Locating and interviewing witnesses, identifying and locating assets, all of these are things a lawyer can do. However, it may be more financially feasible to outsource that work to a professional investigator. Two reasons come to mind.

First, a professional investigator has the skill set, connections, and tools to complete these tasks efficiently. This translates into less time (Time = Money). Second, while our rates are at the upper end of the spectrum for investigators, we’re still well below the hourly rate of partners in most law firms.

The following list offers a small sampling of the services professional investigators provide, often freeing the lawyer to focus on more productive issues.

Conflicts of Interest Search –self-dealing, and hidden business interests.

Personal History Research – records for divorces, civil lawsuits, etc.

Professional History Research – detection of resume fraud.

Regulatory Issues Research – complaints by state and federal regulators.

Criminal History Research –national, regional, and county-by-county records for DUI, solicitation of prostitution, and other criminal issues.

Financial Status Analysis – tax liens, civil judgments, etc. review financial statements, lifestyle audits, etc.

Assets Location and Analysis – location of assets, real and personal. Chain or title, in-depth transaction analysis, identification of personal and corporate ownership.

Liabilities Identification – tax liens, outstanding debt, mortgages, civil judgments, etc.

Locating Witnesses – locate and interview potential witnesses for litigation prep.

Service of Process – when that person who needs serving is hard to find.

“Many bosses of law firms,” says The Economist, “realize that the profession is changing in ways that will be uncomfortable for some.” Those who utilize their resources, leverage their relationships with experts (CFE’s, Professional Investigators, etc.) in the most efficient manner, will be the ones to succeed.

[FIND] Vice - Dirk Gently

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.  - Dirk Gently

The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks. – Dirk Gently

Dirk Gently is the founder and proprietor of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, a boutique firm that solves mysteries of murder and lost cats. I can not in good faith begin to explain Dirk Gently to those of you who are unfamiliar. I will simply provide you with a taste of Douglas Adams’s brilliance excerpted from The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, a Dirk Gently novel. This is how Dirk Gently’s apartment greets the day.

The sun later broke in through the upper windows of a house in North London and struck the peacefully sleeping figure of a man.

The room in which he slept was large and bedraggled and did not much benefit from the sudden intrusion of light. The sun crept slowly across the bedclothes, as if nervous of what it might find amongst them, slunk down the side of the bed, moved in a rather startled way across some objects it encountered on the floor, toyed nervously with a couple of motes of dust, lit briefly on a stuffed fruitbat hanging in the corner, and fled.

          
-The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, Chapter 3.

The Cocktail – by James Hensley, Spirit-Monkey, via The Patterson House

 [Dirk] seems a strange sort so I think something that inspires the weird is called for.

Odin’s Will – an Absinthe Flip with a twist.

3/4 oz   La Muse Vert Absinthe

1/2 oz   Senior Orange Curacao

3/4 oz   Fresh Lemon Juice

1/2 oz   (Fat) Demarar Syrup

13 Drops   Fee's Old Fashioned Bitters

1 Whole Egg

Place the egg and lemon juice in a shaker and dry/mime shake the two together. Then add the rest of the ingredients and ice. Shake long and hard and then strain into a short Hurricane glass or chilled cocktail glass as you like. Serve this drink "up" with a bit of grated nutmeg over the top.

The Cigar – by Joe Zike, cigar aficionado extraordinaire, via UpTowns Smoke Shop 

For someone obsessed with the "interconnectedness of all things," the Oliva V Lancero will not disappoint. The Lancero's thin ring gauge allows the wrapper to balance the ligero filler. The mixture results in a woodsy, Columbian coffee flavor that carries a constant mild spice throughout the smoke. It's a perfect medium-bodied medium for an individual investigating the potential clairvoyance of a phenomenon when there are suspicions of coincidence and conjecture.

Cigar: Oliva Series V Lancero

Wrapper: Nicaragua, Habana Sun Grown

Binder: Nicaragua

Filler: Nicaragua, Jalapa Valley Ligero

Length: 7"

Ring Gauge: 38

The Sartorial Sleuth - Bow Ties and Bourbon

Carrot & Gibbs, Boulder, CO

Bow ties are not for everyone. However, those who choose them stand somehow a little taller, seem somehow a little smarter, have - by the very act of strapping a bow tie around their neck - a more refined sense of style than others - the masses, those hordes of men who are…afraid.

As I strolled into The Patterson House one night last month the young man staffing the host stand said, “Man, that’s a fantastic bow tie. I just don’t think I could get away with wearing one.”

My answer: “The second you decide put on a bow tie is the second you gain the ability to pull it off.” The simple act of walking out into public with a bow tie is proof that you have the balls to do it. No one will ever question it. Some of your friends may laugh, but that’s just jealousy. They wish, deep down, that they had the strength of character to dress like a man. More often than not, you will receive mass un-solicited compliments.

All you have to do is pick a tie, learn to tie it, put it on, and hit the town.

I realize that shopping for a bow tie can be a bit daunting. So, here are some suggestions for where you might go to pick up a snappy bow tie.

Our friends over at Imogene and Willie have a small selection of bow ties made right here in Nashville by the talented Otis James. These ties are, as you might expect, super cool. My pal Dave picked one up a couple weeks ago and loves it. Swing by Imogene and Willie and ask one of them to point you in the right direction. Tell them The Sartorial Sleuth send you. 

Another option is to go to Brooks Brothers; they always have a large selection of regimental stripes and classic designs from which to choose.

My personal bow tie of choice is Carrot & Gibbs, made in Boulder, Colorado. Seriously, these pure silk works of art tie perfectly, look great with an odd jacket or suit, and they come in patterns you cannot find at you’re local Brooks Brothers.

If you don’t know how to tie a bow tie, it’s actually quite simple. For a step by step guide click here or here. Also remember, a bow tie should not be perfect and straight. It should look like you tied it yourself. If it’s too perfect, you’ll look like you’re wearing a pre-tied bow tie, which is discernibly un-cool.

The first Wednesday of the month for the next several months, [FIND] Investigations will host an informal gathering of men of style. We meet at The Patterson House. We’ve dubbed the monthly meeting "Bow Ties and Bourbon."

If you have the stones, strap on a bow tie and join us.

A Few Thoughts On Permission

I am not opposed to being marketed. I have been known to sign up for on-line entrepreneurial offerings. I have taken classes on creativity.

I do, however, abhor the idea of being taken advantage of in email-marketing. If I share my email address with you and invite your marketing, do not, do not, do not take that relationship as a free pass to intrude.

Example: A couple of points to make up front.

1. I am not particularly religious nor do I hold many things to be sacred.

2. I do, however, greatly value my off-time.

I received an email Easter Sunday. I was on the road working, so the idea of interrupting my holiday was not the issue. The email I received had this in the subject line, “I know it's Easter, but when you have something this good...”

Am I wrong in reading an implied promise of something so good that it was worth interrupting my Easter Holiday (my off-time)? The email, it turns out, was just another shameless self-promotion. I am not offended by receiving self-promotional emails. I get that. I am, however, highly offended that they implied that there was something so good that it merited intruding on my off-day (A specific day that is, to many, a holy day…A day that is, to them, sacred).

Do Not, Do Not, DO NOT interrupt your audience with a promise of something so amazing that it merits interrupting a holiday, or any other day for that matter, when it’s just the same message you always send.

Permission marketing is just what it sounds like. I give you permission to market to me. I do not, however, give you permission to interrupt me and make false-promises.

The Easter email drove me to action. I took the 3 minutes time to log in and un-subscribe to the email list. I also took several minutes to write this blog post. Be very careful with the permission you’ve been granted. Over-step your boundaries, and you’ll lose any and all credibility you ever had in one click of the send button. 

Due Diligence and the Mortgage Crisis

due diligence (dü dil ǝ jǝns), n. 1 such constant and earnest effort required as a reasonable person under the same circumstances would use 2a the care that a prudent person might be expected to exercise in the examination and evaluation of risks affecting a business transaction 2b the process of investigation carried on usually by a disinterested third party (as accountants, private investigators, or law firms) on behalf of a party contemplating a business transaction for the purpose of providing information with which to evaluate the advantages and risks involved.

Should due diligence be part of the lending process? Does a loan officer qualify as a disinterested third party? Can we regulate our way out of this crisis? What, in the context of real estate loans, constitutes reasonable and prudent?

Let’s start with the latter. I believe it is reasonable and prudent to verify a person’s income, financial history, and even personal character prior to lending money. A home loan is not a horribly complex thing. In its simplest form a bank loans a person money to purchase a house. The house is taken as collateral. The person has a prescribed term over which to repay the money borrowed, usually in monthly installments. It really is, and should be, that simple.

Which of the following scenarios do you think represents the constant and earnest effort of a reasonable person?

Scenario 1

2006: How We Got Into This Mess in the First Place

Steve goes to Big National Bank and says, “I want to buy a house.” The teller sends Steve to a 23 year old sitting behind a faux wood desk in a cubicle constructed from modesty panels and glass. The 23 year old goes by the name Chas. He has on bass penny-loafers, pleated khaki pants, and a BNB Team golf-shirt in pale-blue.

Chas asks Steve a series of questions, “How much do you want to spend on a home?” How much do you make? Really, well that’s not a problem. We can just say that you make a little more than that. Your salary should increase next year, right? Good. Just sign here.” Steve walks out of BNB with a hew home and an adjustable rate mortgage that is set to increase in three years (eons in today’s market). 0% down + 100% financed = 100% value of the home.

Apparently Chas has committed no crime. He even received a bonus for processing the loan quickly and convincing Steve to go with the friendly ARM. BNB writes the loss off and gladly accepts TARP funds. The CEO borrows the company jet to fly to a golf tournament in Houston for the weekend. Steve has committed mortgage fraud by telling a lie on his loan documents and gets 5 in the pen, out in 3 with good behavior.

Scenario 2

2008: What’s Not Helping

Steve strolls into Big National Bank and says, “I want to buy a house.” Chas, our be-cubicled day-trading wannabe, sends Steve home with a pile of paperwork, the documents required by regulation to ensure that Chas knows Steve.

Steve comes back in a week, paperwork completed. Chas reviews the records and sends them to underwriting. Underwriting calls Chas and asks a few questions. They’ve filed all of the papers required, answered all of the questions on the forms, made sure Steve fits within the “regulated parameters”. They call Steve and tell him he can buy his new home.

Steve realizes a year later that his company no longer considers him to be a linchpin. They let him go with no severance and let him take over the lease on his company car. Steve, thanks to borrowing 110% of the house's value, is in way over his head. Chas gets a bonus for making such a fantastic loan. BNB sells the house in February for a fraction of its value and shows a profit because they “realized” the loss in January. The CEO spends a week in the Turks and Caicos. Steve made an error on one line in the mortgage documents and gets 5 in the pen, out in 3 with good behavior. 0% down 110% loan = Steve owes more than the house is worth.

Scenario 3

1995: The Way It Used to Be

Janet drives over to Local Bank and tells the bank manager, Bob, her dad’s lifelong friend, that she would like to buy her first home. Bob knows that Janet is two years into her career as a nurse. He asks her, “How much money do you have for a down payment?” She tells him that she’s saved up about $20,000 over the past two years, part of which was a gift from mom and dad. (She lived at home and worked like crazy. She has no credit card debt.)

Bob calls Janet’s boss, Virginia, over at regional hospital to verify employment and income. Bob and Virginia graduated City High together in ’59. Virg tells Bob that Janet is a dream employee, verifies her actual income, and tells Bob to bring the family by on Saturday for dinner.

Bob then runs a credit check on Janet, sees that she has no credit history. Bob has coffee every morning with Will, who owns the ladies' shoe store on 14^th. Will tells Bob that he has had a credit account for Janet for the past three years. She has made every payment on time, most of them early.

Bob sits down with Janet and advises her to look at houses in the old neighborhood. They’re a little cheaper, but they’re well built. This way she can use the portion she actually saved for the down payment, maybe use the money her parents gave her to remodel the kitchen. The monthly payment will be much easier for her to handle, even with the 15 year amortization schedule.

Bob was paid his usual bank salary for doing his job. Virginia made a pot-roast for dinner on Saturday. Will spilled coffee all over his Christmas tie on Monday morning. Janet paid the house off in the early months of 2010. She now owns it free and clear. 20% down + 80% loan = 100% value of house.

KYC

Know your customer (KYC) is a form of due diligence for banks and financial institutions and other regulated companies. Based on KYC these institutions must verify the identity of their clients and ascertain relevant information pertinent to doing financial business with them. Really? That has to be regulated? In the USA, KYC is a policy implemented under the bank security act and the USA PATRIOT Act.

KYC should, I would argue, just be a matter of common sense, not necessarily a regulated policy. One might argue that it’s not possible for BNB to know every customer. I think it actually is. You see, back in the day when I started banking with a local branch of one of the BNBs, the branch manager knew the customers.

She called customers by name when we came in to do routine banking. When I, as a young man, had a little problem with available funds, she called me personally, scolded me and helped me get the matter under control. She didn’t know my dad, or share dinners with my boss (that I know of), but she knew me and how to verify who, what, where, when I was.

I dare say she would not advise me, or any of her other customers, to choose an adjustable rate mortgage. She’s no longer with the bank. Neither am I. I removed all of my accounts from the BNB when I realized that I didn’t know a single person in the local branch. When I had an issue with a new policy the bank had regarding availability of funds after deposit, they referred me to the 1-800 customer service number.

I moved to Reliant Bank, a local bank. They only had one branch when I moved my accounts. They now have three. When I walk in the front door of any of these branches, the tellers, the commercial lending officers, and the manager all say something along the lines of, “Hi Thomas.” When I asked them, in 2009 for a refinance, they said, sure.

But they ran me through the paces. They verified all income, all accounts, all assets. They checked every reference, called employers, and expanded their queries to associates and friends. It was not an easy process, but I really didn’t mind. They were covering their bases. Making what I would call a reasonable effort to determine their exposure and risk in agreeing to lend money to me.

Here’s a thought. Private Investigators, Certified Fraud Examiners could be used in this process, up front, as a part of due diligence. Hire a professional to learn as much as possible about your customers. You’ll have no problem meeting the KYC requirements, and if your customers don’t want the scrutiny, well…maybe they aren’t quiet ready to buy that house. Yea?